As she was administering electro-shock therapy yesterday, my PT suggested my next blog post should be titled, “No Mercy.” I thought about it but shortly thereafter realized that the shock therapy had nothing on the tissue massage she did later. Holy crap.
Are you familiar with this “massage?” I use air quotes when I say it because, in my
head reality, a massage is a nice, peaceful thing (sometimes with a giant Swede named Lars). This was not pleasant. Not at all. This hurt. I feel like such a big baby, but I’m sitting here with a bruise on my thigh as I write this, so I am at least somewhat justified in my whining. To be honest, it wasn’t unbearable pain. There was pain, certainly, but I think that, more than anything, I was taken off guard by how much it hurt. I didn’t expect to have that much trouble with what I thought was the ok part of my thigh.
The point of the “massage,” is to work out some of the knots that are kinking up my muscles. This time, my vastus lateralis got a beating. I apparently have a lot of knots because almost every touch was painful to some extent. I’m already looking forward to next week; I was told to wear my loosest-fitting shorts so that she could work up the side of my leg a little further. Sounds like a fun time…
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not actually complaining. (Not too much, anyway.) I fully appreciate what she’s doing because I’m finally starting to understand some of the different things that have not helped my recovery. For example, how all the joints in my leg are connected (shocking!) and how my hip weaknesses cause mayhem down the line through my knee and ankle. It’s mind-boggling (and frustrating) to me that I cannot do simple balance exercises, but I’m at least beginning to understand why. I don’t know that I’ve previously been told to do anything wrong, per se, but I could be doing things better.
As I’m beginning to understand more about the mechanics of my knee, why certain actions hurt and what I can do to correct my muscle imbalances, I’m beginning to feel hopeful again. Oh sure, I still have days when I feel rotten, and I get upset when I can’t do my exercises properly. It’s my general outlook that’s started to improve. I’m beginning to patch up the cracks that were showing a few weeks ago. I haven’t done a complete one eighty yet, but I keep reminding myself that I didn’t get where I am overnight, and I won’t fix it overnight.