Just What I Kneeded

What happens after a life-altering knee injury?

I shaved my cat for this

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I am an admitted clean freak. If you know nothing else about me, know this. I can’t sleep if there’s a mess in my home. So, I shaved my cats. This makes total sense in my head because I have two long-haired cats who shed everywhere, all the time, and I’m constantly having to run the vacuum. This way, they shouldn’t shed nearly as much, and I don’t have to worry about cleaning up after them while I’m immobile. No one else has to worry about it either. Plus, I can admit I had a good laugh at their expense when I was done; they just look so ridiculous.

I’ve been preparing for my forced time off in other ways, too.

  • I’ve been reading all the stories online and properly terrifying myself.
  • I’ve been thinking about the different things that might make recovery more reasonable. Plus, I’ve gotten some ideas from other people who have had similar surgeries. So far, I’ve checked off crutch pads, Netflix subscription, shower chair, shower head with a hose, and a leg holder upper.
  • I also got a new home phone line so that my cell phone doesn’t burn up when I’m working from home. I haven’t had a land line in years, not since I left for college. So that’s a little weird. But it’s so much cheaper than going over on minutes with my cell plan while I’m on conference calls.
  • I have my pedicure scheduled because there is no way I’m going to stare at my toes for weeks on end unless they’re cute. I’m going with Colts blue this time, so I’m ready for the season.
  • I already checked off my dentist appointment two days ago, so my teeth are ready for the sweets binge that is sure to follow surgery. I had my health assessment yesterday so the numbers would be better than after I’ve done nothing but lay around and eat. I’m really thinking ahead here.
  • I’ve stocked up on all the personal necessities. I don’t want to have to send people shopping for toilet paper. Not when there’s a chance they’ll come back with the wrong kind. God forbid they come back with something that’s not up to my toilet paper standards.
  • I’ve practiced driving. Supposedly, I won’t be able to drive for a while, but I just look at that as a challenge. Sure, it’s a little tricky/uncomfortable because it’s my right leg that’s involved, but I’m apparently pretty good at doing the splits over the gear shift. I can totally manage with my left leg. No worries.
  • I’ve even made a master plan for how it’s going to go down if zombies break into my home after taking over the city.

I think that’s about it. I don’t know how else to prepare. I already have all the episodes of Animaniacs on DVD, so there’s just nothing left.


Author: Laura

I have a fern I named Frankenstein. I like leprechauns, practicing kung fu moves on my dining room furniture, and pretending that one day I will move to Fiji. I dislike my neighbors' kids, anything that is chartreuse, and Ben Roethlisberger.

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