Out for a much-needed night of good company and hilarity, I was rather put out when two guys sat down adjacent to us at the bar. I knew they were already three sheets to the wind when one started thanking his mom for making his presence in the bar that night possible. O-kay.
In this bar, there are three televisions. On one, a Diet Dr Pepper commercial was playing that featured a mountain man (see the video below). I jokingly said to one of my friends (let’s call her Carmen) that I’d found her dream man. Tall, burly and bearded. We laughed; we moved on.
The commercial came on again, and I pointed out to Carmen that her boyfriend was on TV again. She just laughed.
Dude at the bar says, “What, you don’t eat bark?”
Carmen: “Oh yeah. All the time.”
Dude: “Me too.”
Carmen: “What’s your favorite flavor?”
Dude: “Pine. Pine has a nice nutty flavor. What’s your flavor?”
Me (butting in): “I like a nice piece of ash.”
Full disclosure? This would have been much funnier had I been able to actually deliver the line. Instead, I cracked myself up so much, I could hardly speak.